Back to School: How to Share Responsibilities as Co-Parents
The start of a new school year brings a fresh routine, a long list of practical tasks and, for separated parents, plenty of decisions to make together. A little forward planning can take much of the stress out of September and help your children settle in with confidence.
The end of the summer holidays is a busy time for any family. Uniforms need buying, term-time routines need re-establishing and there are forms, clubs and school communications to keep on top of.
For parents who have separated, the back-to-school period can also throw up questions about who does what. Who takes the children on the first day? Who attends parents’ evening? Who pays for the new school shoes, and who signs the consent form for the residential trip?
None of these questions needs to become a source of conflict. With clear communication, a shared understanding of your legal responsibilities and a practical plan in place, co-parenting through the school year can work well for everyone, most importantly, for your children.
Understanding parental responsibility
Parental responsibility is the legal term for the rights, duties and authority a parent has in relation to their child. Mothers automatically have parental responsibility, as do fathers who were married to or in a civil partnership with the mother, or who are named on the birth certificate (for births registered from December 2003 onwards). It can also be acquired by agreement or court order.
Parental responsibility does not end when a relationship does. Both parents with parental responsibility are entitled to be involved in important decisions about their child’s life, including:
- Which school the child attends
- Decisions about medical treatment
- Religious upbringing
- Changing the child’s name
- Taking the child abroad
Day-to-day decisions, what the child eats for tea, when they do their homework, are usually made by whichever parent the child is with at the time. Major decisions, such as a change of school, should be made jointly.
There can be some confusion about exactly who has parental responsibility and what it allows them to decide. Our guide to parental responsibility explains the position in more detail.
Schools and separated parents
Schools should treat both parents with parental responsibility equally, regardless of where the child lives. That means both parents are entitled to:
- Receive school reports, newsletters and general communications
- Attend parents’ evenings, plays, sports days and other events
- Be consulted on important matters affecting the child
It is worth contacting the school at the start of the year to make sure both parents’ contact details are recorded and that communications are being sent to both of you. If the school only holds one parent’s details, the other can easily miss important information.
A court order may occasionally restrict a parent’s involvement, and schools will act on any order they are shown, but in the absence of an order the school should not favour one parent over the other.
Practical decisions to agree in advance
Term-time brings a series of recurring practical questions. Agreeing how you will handle them before September arrives can prevent misunderstandings later. Consider:
- The school run - who drops off and collects on which days, and what happens if plans change at short notice
- Uniform and equipment - who buys what, and how the cost is shared
- School trips and clubs - how you will decide which activities the children take part in and how you will split the cost
- Consent forms and permissions - whether one parent will deal with these or whether you will alternate
- Homework and revision - how you will support the children consistently across both homes
- Illness - who will collect a poorly child from school and who provides cover if the usual parent is at work
- Inset days and half terms - how childcare will be shared when school is closed
- Parents’ evenings - whether you will attend together, separately or take it in turns
These conversations become particularly important when the normal school routine disappears.
Handling school events
Attending the same school event as a former partner can feel awkward, particularly if the separation is recent. However, children generally benefit enormously from seeing both parents at their nativity play, football match or awards assembly.
If attending together is not realistic, many schools are willing to offer separate parents’ evening appointments or make other sensible arrangements. Ask early rather than assuming it will not be possible.
Choosing or changing a school
Choosing a secondary school, moving house into a new catchment area or considering a change of school are decisions in which both parents with parental responsibility should be involved. One parent should not change a child’s school without the other’s agreement.
A move can raise wider questions as well as affecting where a child goes to school. If relocation is being considered, our article on moving with a child after separation explains when agreement may be needed and what happens if parents disagree.
If you cannot agree, the court can be asked to make a Specific Issue Order deciding which school the child should attend. The court’s decision will be based on what is in the child’s best interests, with the child’s welfare as the paramount consideration.
Applications for secondary school places usually need to be submitted by the end of October, with primary applications due in mid-January, so if a school decision is on the horizon it is sensible to start those conversations early in the autumn term.
Putting a parenting plan in writing
A parenting plan is a written agreement between separated parents setting out how they will care for and make decisions about their children. It is not a legally binding document, but it provides a clear reference point and can be updated as circumstances change.
Cafcass, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service, publishes a free parenting plan template that covers education, health, holidays, communication and finances. Many families find that working through it together, or with the help of a mediator, helps to resolve issues before they become disputes.
What if you cannot agree?
Disagreements are inevitable from time to time. Where they arise, it is usually best to:
- Focus on what is best for the children rather than on past grievances
- Communicate in writing where emotions are running high, keeping messages brief and business-like
- Consider family mediation, which offers a structured, confidential setting to work through issues with a trained mediator
Where agreement genuinely cannot be reached, a family solicitor can advise on your options, which may include an application to the court for a Child Arrangements Order or Specific Issue Order. Before most applications, you will be expected to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), and a government-funded mediation voucher may be available to contribute towards the cost of mediation where children are involved.
When discussions have reached an impasse, it can help to understand the options before deciding what to do next. We explain the differences between family mediation and going to court and the circumstances in which each route may be appropriate.
Keeping children at the centre
Whatever arrangements you reach, the aim should be for children to experience the school year as one consistent routine rather than two competing ones. Simple things help: keeping term dates and events in a shared calendar, making sure PE kit and reading books travel between homes, and speaking positively about the other parent in front of the children.
Children who see their parents co-operating over school matters tend to feel more secure, and that security shows in the classroom.
Need help with co-parenting arrangements?
If you are finding it difficult to agree school or childcare arrangements with your former partner, or you would like advice on parental responsibility, parenting plans or child arrangements, speaking to a family law solicitor can help you find a way forward that works for your family.
Disclaimer: The content of this website blog is for general awareness and insight. This is not legal or professional advice and readers should not act upon the information provided, they should seek professional advice based on their own particular circumstances. The law may have changed since this article was published.
FAQs: Co-Parenting and School
Does a school have to communicate with both parents?
Yes. Unless a court order says otherwise, schools should treat both parents with parental responsibility equally and provide information to both, regardless of where the child lives.
Can my ex change our child’s school without my consent?
Not if you both have parental responsibility. A change of school is a major decision that should be made jointly. If you cannot agree, the court can decide through a Specific Issue Order.
Who pays for school uniforms and trips?
There is no fixed rule. Child maintenance is intended to contribute to a child’s everyday costs, but many parents agree separately on how larger or one-off expenses such as uniforms, trips and equipment will be shared.
Do I need to go to court to sort out school arrangements?
Usually not. Most families resolve these issues through discussion, a written parenting plan or mediation. Court should be a last resort where agreement cannot be reached.